I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
