Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
