I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
