Dude my mom stole all your condoms
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
