Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
