He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
