I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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