hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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