Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
