why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My ass is underappreciated
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