I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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