When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
