We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
