I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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