Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
