I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
