dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
