i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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