So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
