i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
