I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
