I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
