sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
