I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
