I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
