I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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