Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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