Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
