just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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