How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
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I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
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If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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