I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
