so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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