At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
