Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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