I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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