No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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