So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
