What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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