It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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