My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize