sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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