i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
