I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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