Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
