nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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