kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
