1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
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I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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