it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
