He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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