yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
