even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
