She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
