I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
