Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
This house was built for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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