Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
