The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
