I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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