what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The air was thick with penises
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So vagazzling was a success
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
