Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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