i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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