I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
