Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
