Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
