It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
