i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Randomize
