Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
