he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
