Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
