Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
