I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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