I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
