would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
