you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
