I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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