i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
