weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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